I’m feeling a little fragile today.
Stupid brain. Dumb ego. Dang perfectionism.
It’s not one big thing, just a bunch of little things that added up.
You know, one of those days.
First, I did not start the day well-rested.
(Not that I ever do, but it really caught up with me today)
I was heartbroken to hear my second grader cried at school because he missed us
(but felt better after playing chess with the principal,
whom I have now crowned the King of All Principals Anywhere).
I thought I had forgotten to book an artist for this week’s giveaway,
only to realize later that I had, indeed, booked an artist…
but completely forgotten to feature her, which is actually worse.
And, as a replacement, I offered up
my own greeting cards and a $20 gift certificate to my etsy store,
which hardly anyone has signed up for.
Cue the cruel voices in my head:
“Really? Nobody wants your stuff? Even for free? How pathetic is that!?”
Just when I think I’ve tamed those voices, they find a way to creep up again!
And, quite frankly, the whole situation has irritated me all day long.
I also uploaded a new listing on etsy
(which takes far more time than you might guess),
only to have it disappear into nothingness when I hit ‘save.’
The list goes on, but I’ll spare you the rest of the pity party.
I knew I needed to snap out of it and focus on the good stuff,
so after the kids went to bed, I headed into my dudio to create a little art.
It always makes me feel better!
As I doodled and scribbled,
I noticed this pile of scraps and tools right in front of me,
topped with a little card I made last week that says,
“You Are Surrounded By Angels. Say Hello.”
I know I made the pile bit by bit over time,
but in that moment it looked like a glorious,
made-on-purpose collage of creativity and spirit –
the kind of beautiful mess I long dreamed of calling my own.
And now here it is, all mine, and reminding me
that I’m doing what I love,
I’m never alone
and that I’ve got to have off days
in order to deeply appreciate the great ones.