Wow – what a whirlwind this week has been! Lots of wonderful stuff came about, but I did bump into some heart-wrenching, heart-opening challenges this week.
Among the rough spots: we learned the past seven months of chemo have had no impact on my dad’s colon cancer. Dang. We allowed ourselves to be sad and mad that day, but have since found so many reasons to be hopeful. So many angels on earth have swooped in with love and light and great ideas for moving forward.
Honestly, it was really good to FEEL my way through that day. Not just put on a happy face like I used to. I’m getting so much better at this as the years go by. I realize now it’s impossible to be authentic without honoring all the parts of me and letting others see them. I chuckled last night when I went back and saw that I’d tweeted this on Tuesday:
I believe there are gifts to be found in every challenge. Nevertheless, I’d like to kick cancer in the teeth today.
Ha! I remember typing that tweet sitting in my car after leaving the oncology building. It was raw and honest (and a little funny). Looking at it in hindsight, I’m reminded that I can hold the light and the dark in my palms all at once. I can be pissed off at cancer and see the gifts in it. Laugh one second, cry the next.
|my dad in florida last month|
So much that I saw or read or heard on the day of my dad’s appointment made me teary-eyed. Not just because I was bummed about and for my dad, but also because I was so moved by all the beauty around me – even in the middle of a crap sandwich – that it actually hurt. Sometimes, it feels like my heart has to swell and stretch inside my body to make room for windfalls of kindness, love and hope.
A gorgeous, meaningful song plays at just the right moment and takes my breath away. The sweetest email from a stranger arrives just when I need a confidence boost. A text from a faraway friend lets me know I’m not alone. When I notice all these bits of beauty and let them in – really let them seep in and fill up the cracks in my heart – it feels overwhelming in the best way possible.