I took a giant, running leap out of my comfort zone yesterday: I spontaneously planned an all-by-myself trip to California. Holy crap. Blooming in the dead of winter, I am. This is a big freaking deal for several reasons:

1) I’m a planner.

Before any potential trip, I make lists. I do research. I dream before doing. Not this time.

2) I am tethered to my children.

Since leaving the corporate world, I have rarely been away from my boys. I hated traveling for work and missing precious time at home, so I’ve probably overcompensated these past several years. And now I’m desperately craving some me time.

3) I have never – that’s right, never – traveled on my own for fun.

Vacations have always included friends or family by my side. This time, it’ll just be me and my loudly thumping heart. It both scares me and emboldens me. I know I need this.

California’s been calling my name for a few months. I don’t know why. I never know why I feel drawn towards something or somewhere; I just trust  those gravitational pulls. So, I told myself that if a California class or project revealed itself and made my heart skip a beat, I’d strap on my wings and go. None I found felt quite right. Until yesterday – when I saw a tweet from Kelly Rae Roberts about two May sessions announced at Teahouse Studio, an art space in Berkeley I’ve had my eye on, created by these three awesome blossoms.

I could feel my pulse quickening. I started looking at maps and air fares and plotting out a trip that could include meetings in L.A. for projects in the works and then two days of merry-making at Teahouse – with Andrea Scher, Kelly Rae and a small circle of creative spirits. The perfect circle, I’m sure. Within hours of seeing that tweet, I threw caution to the wind and hit “purchase.” And a rush of holy-hell-i’ve-lost-my-mind-and-i’m-so-excited came over me.  I love the idea of having a few hours each day of gentle, rejuvenating connection and creation vs. running from class to class at a conference or bunking with dozens of strangers at a retreat. Those can be delightful too, but this feels perfect right now.

My heart races upon the thought of spending days on my own along the California coast, open to whatever comes my way. It beats with fear over the unknown. It beats with courage, pushing me to go anyway. It beats with glee, for following my bliss. It beats with great big love – for myself, for my journey, for recognizing what I need. California, here I come.