I’ve been playing a game of tug-of-war with myself lately, toying with the idea of revealing a deeper truth here. Super scary. But last night, I got a little message that gave me a surge of confidence (you know how I love a good sign!).
I was putting the finishing touches on a new offering – but I was holding back on making it as good as it could be. I went into the dudio to grab some notes from a recent talk I attended and, as I grabbed the stack of paper, out fell a tiny hotel notepad with my handwriting on it. To my surprise, it was filled with notes from a Hay House conference I attended in 2007 – specifically, a session featuring author and psychic Colette Baron Reid.
I don’t remember that session being particularly meaningful to me back then; I’m surprised I still have the notes. And why a pad of paper from 2007 would be stuck in a stack of current papers is a mystery to me – so I knew it was important to pay attention. Hello, serendipity. I read through my scribbles on the first two pages – insights from Colette about intuition and psychic awareness. And then at the bottom of the second page I saw these words:
Telling your story makes you powerful.
Ohhh, snap. I don’t know how many times I’ve said something along those lines in my own classes and sessions! So, that little mystery notepad gave me a taste of my own medicine (and a kick in the pants from Colette!) when I needed it most, particularly around revealing details around my own intuition and psychic awareness. Gulp.
Over the past year, I’ve focused more of my energy on helping entrepreneurs boost their confidence around self-promotion and meaningful marketing – from creating new content to doing one-on-one Star Mapping Sessions. It’s been nice leveraging my background to help blooming businesswomen find the confidence and tools they need to build awareness. But I think I’ve been trying to hide a little behind that expertise – and it’s not working. Time and time again, the positive feedback I get from those who are most impacted by our one-on-one sessions (and even the classes I teach) is not as much in praise of my expertise…but in awe of what I know.
No matter how much I try to tone it down or hold information back, there’s an inner knowing that has grown too strong to keep under wraps. Over the years, I’ve written and spoken rather generically about the importance of our intuition – we all have it, we all need it, we must trust it. I’ve shared magical stories of my kids’ apparent connection to the great beyond, about undeniable signs from the Universe, about awe-inspiring synchronicity in my life.
What I haven’t shared publicly is the extent of my own life-long intuition. I haven’t shared how I feel people’s illnesses or challenges or stuckness. How I hear wisdom that comes from beyond me, outside of me. How I see angels…and spirit guides…and, yes, I see dead people. (Cold sweat. That one was the hardest to admit to you.)
It has always been this way, even as a child. I found ways to shut it off as I got older, especially when I worked in corporate America. But it came rushing back in after I had kids – and it’s grown more intense since my own dad died in 2011. The number of friends and family who know all of this about me is pretty small. Some have experienced crazy, woo-woo spiritual stuff with me. Some have had readings with me. Some have figured it out and flat-out asked. I get choked up thinking about how they have all held my secret, honored my requests not to tell others about this piece of me until I was ready.
Meanwhile, I feel bad that in all these years of talking about the importance of authenticity and vulnerability, I have kept this from the rest of you. I worried you’d run for the hills. I worried you’d think I was making it up. I worried certain friends and extended family might back away. And these all remain very real, lump-in-my-throat concerns. But I cannot, in good conscience, continue to speak and write about tapping into your inner sparks while keeping one of my own gifts under wraps.
Last night, finding that notepad from the event with Colette Baron Reid felt perfectly orchestrated. I was putting the finishing touches on the web page for new one-on-one client sessions called Firecracker Calls and was describing them as one part pump-you-up pep-talk, one part idea-infusion, one part intuitive reading. And I was soooo close to pulling the intuitive reading wording right out of the description. Tempted to just stay in hiding a while longer. I could keeping using my intuition…leaning on my posse of invisible advisors…and just not tell people, right? Right. Except I was starting to feel like a fraud.
And that timely reminder in those notes from the past – telling your story makes you powerful – was a bit of synchronicity I couldn’t ignore. I’d been feeling pulled to share this piece of my story, but resisting it out of fear. Finally putting it out there feels freeing…feels right…feels like I can really be me with all of you. Don’t expect any major changes; you won’t suddenly find me wearing flowing gowns or working out of a carnival tent! The biggest shift, I guess, is that this frees me to do my best work – leveraging all of me, out in the open, using the gifts I was given to facilitate healing, cultivate hope and offer inspiration.
Love + light,