Today, I am a little nervous. This may sound silly to many of you, but it’s because I’m meeting one of the pastors at my church for tea. Lord help me. I love our church. And I hide from it, too. As an intuitive who hears guidance from the Great Beyond, I feel so richly blessed to have and use these gifts. And yet I’m a misfit in the church…or at least in many of them. I still get scared that if people there know what I do, my family might be shunned by the folks across the aisle or maybe the ones in the pulpit. I didn’t even realize this was still a thing for me…until I was asked to tea!
My dad was a preacher’s kid. My husband is a preacher’s kid. But there’s a part of me that worries I might be a preacher’s worst nightmare. I have been informed by strangers and relatives that I do not belong in the church, that God would not approve, that talking to spirits is the devil’s work and sharing “divine guidance” is blasphemy. I hear it in their hurtful comments, and I hear it in their deafening silence. It stings — and it sticks with you, as much as you try to shake it off. That kind of judgment and rejection is the very thing that has so many people running from religion, I think. And it’s why people like me — the misfits and mystics Jesus made a point to lovingly wrap his arms around — often sneak in and sneak out, hiding under the radar today.
But I deeply believe the universe is always conspiring in our favor, orchestrating God’s will and coordinating with the angels for the highest good. And I’m certain that’s why — in a serendipitous swirl of divine intervention — I’ve been invited to tea with my pastor by a friend I never even knew attended the same church. I suspect it will be lovely, and I intend to be fully present, open and honest. I will choose presence over perfection, to not worry what the pastor thinks of me but to be compassionately curious about where we’ll find common ground.
Meanwhile, I know some of you want nothing to do with religion and don’t think I should, either. There’s plenty of judgment outside the church, too. I get it.
So, here’s where I land, where I ground myself. I believe each one of us is meant to find the rituals, guides and messages that speak loving truth into our hearts, inspire us to be exceptionally kind and deeply joyful, awaken us to our own gifts, remind us we are unconditionally loved and inspire us to be a light in the world. That happens in lots of places for me, and one of them is in a church that centers me and moves me. I don’t want to hide this anymore — from the people in my church or from the people outside of it.
So today, I feel kind of brave. I feel brave for having tea with my pastor. Ha! I feel brave for telling you how big and strange that feels. I feel brave for revealing some hurts that I have allowed to hold me back and hadn’t even realized were still hanging around. When I release the weight of those judgments, I see and know the truth: I am on this planet to show up fully wherever I feel called and connected — to God, to Goodness, to Magic, to Mystery. And, of course, so are you.
Follow-Up
I posted the above on Facebook and was overwhelmed by the kind, caring responses from so many who understood where I was coming from and said they’d been there, too. Oh my goodness, SO MUCH goodness! Thank you for all the sweet cheerleading and head-nodding, friends! Tea was as lovely as I’d hoped, with angels all around — including on my teapot! Such good, deep discussion about the magic all around us, of angels in disguise, of loved ones coming back from the Other Side to comfort us, of the responsibilities and privilege of ministering in different ways. I felt you all there with us, for sure! Today felt like grace. Thank you.
